[Welcome: touch on the day]
I don't know about you, but the groomsmen and I have had a lot of fun these past few days here in Lorne. Speaking of groomsmen, don't the bridesmaid's look stunning!
For those of you who don't know who I am, I'm Joel's only twin, Joshua.
A few months ago Joel asked me if I wouldn't mind speaking at Jaime and his wedding. Of course, isn't that what most best men do? The request, however, came with a few conditions. Firstly the speech had to be under a minute long because he's never heard anything remotely entertaining, come from me his entire life. Secondly, it needed to be from the heart as he said I couldn't do funny. He even threw in a comical reference from the movie Wedding Crashers, where the protagonist John Beck, played by Owen Wilson, provides wedding speech advice to the dashing bridesmaid, stating:
"I think you are better going with something from the heart, honestly."
So, let's do "from the heart."
From a young age, we are all told, that there WILL come a time in our life where we will meet our one true love, our soul mate, the person that will support us through thick and thin and love us for the rest of our lives. For Joel, that moment came early; in fact, it happened 31 years ago, when he met me.
As a twin, there is always someone there to share THE good times and THE bad, SOMEONE to create memories with, but most importantly, there is someone WHO YOU can count on to have your back. In a lot of ways, being a twin is like being in a relationship or a great partnership. Together Joel and I were our very own Bonnie and Clyde, Simon and Garfunkle, Scooby-Doo and Shaggy, Jobs, and Wozniak. Except around Jeparit and Nhill, we were more commonly referred to BY the Koz Twins, Joel and Josh, the Dynamic Duo, the Sock Brothers.
Now you are probably thinking, why the Sock Brothers? Well, as competitive 10-year olds, Joel and I were not going to put up with shoes slowing us down. RUNNING shoes provided far too much resistance. Instead, we ran in socks, much to our mother's dismay.
We were obviously onto something though, as each year Joel and I would achieve one, two finishes in both the 100 and 200. A reason for this could be due, IN PART, TO the fact we were always stirring trouble and routinely running away from it, each other, or our little brother Rhys.
In true twin fashion, we would regularly switch between first and second place sharing the victory. However, one year I remember thinking this was my year to take one from Joel.
It was the at Kiata Athletics Carnival, and we were approaching the last 20m of the 100-meter dash final. I quickly realize THIS might not be my year, SO OF course, what do I do? I lean out from my lane and push him over. Joel stumbles, we both stumble, FALLING towards the finish line, victory was still mine for the taking; however, TO MY dismay, Joel somehow still managed to roll across the finish line first!
As we were mostly always seen together, the name that STUCK WAS the Dynamic Duo. Like all great partnerships, the Dynamic Duo WAS involved in its fair share of mischief right from the start.
Mum vividly remembers one morning, in Happy Valley, Adelaide. WE were a little over a year old, and she had woken to find the loungeroom littered with torn pages of children's books. There, in amongst the mix of confetti, was Joel and me, hysterically laughing while erasing our beloved nursery rhymes.
It was at this time that Mum and Dad wondered how exactly we were able to escape the bedroom and create such mischief. Later they discovered that we were pushing the cot to the door, WHILE the other twin was inside, allowing US TWINS TO escape to freedom. Parenting was never the same.
Looking back, I feel sorry for our parents. It sounded like raising us was a nightmare task, and undoubtedly one that would have only become harder when Rhys joined the family, and there were 3 of us under two years old.
Recently, after speaking with Mum about this, I learned that this was not the case and that us twins, the dynamic duo, WAS there to help.
We would often feed Rhys, ensuring that he ate all of his greens, and at other times we would discipline him, smacking him when he either sat too close to the TV, or too far, or for no particular reason at all.
[turn to rhys]
Rhys, reflecting on this and all past mistreatment, actions both disciplinary and nondisciplinary MADE by both Joel and I. We sincerely apologize!
I would never ask to change the dynamic duo as, for the most part, it was fun and exciting. But, it did have its setbacks.
Teachers could never correctly use our names. Joel was used interchangeably with Joshua, SO TOO WAS Joshua, with Joel. I'm not sure if Joel remembers this, but our 2nd-grade teacher, Ms. Smith, now Mrs. Sticklen, was never able to ARTICULATE which twin she was speaking with CORRECTLY. MANY days I recall being REFERRED to as Joel, giving up the pursuit of correcting her, as it was a seemingly pointless task. Looking back, I think she knew what she was doing, and it became a game to her, to see which twin would crack first.
I think it was at high school that Joel first showed signs of wanting out of the dynamic duo. When the try-out day came for hockey sign-ups, all Joel wanted to do was gear up like the mighty ducks and play Goldberg. I don't think he realized that unlike ice hockey, in field hockey, you are not meant to tackle players.
NOW, if you have ever played field hockey, the goalie usually protects everything inside the D, WHICH is a semi-circle surrounding the Goals. But, for Joel, this space regularly EXTENDED OUT much further. It was here, as a goalie, that one of Joel's best traits shone through. Ever since we were young boys, Joel would go after what he wanted. Joel was never one to sit still and let an opportunity pass by.
I remember on one occasion, he saved a certain-goal by running out to slide tackle both the ball and player AT THE 25-yard line, which, as the name suggests, IS 25 yards from the Goals. The umpire had never encountered this behavior before. They called a penalty foul at the point of contact, which would have been a much harsher verdict IF THE foul occurred closer to the Goal.
As much as he doesn't admit to it, he was an EXCELLENT sportsman, and LATER ON, asked to play for the Australian Junior Hockey Team in Singapore.
Joel's doggedness and eagerness to pave his OWN way meant that he took the opportunities where they fell — moving from electrical, into an auto-electrical apprenticeship, also between towns, including Hamilton, Warrnambool, Horsham, Pingrub WA, and Calgary Canada.
Joel made friends with locals everywhere he went, including one morning in Banff Canada. Joel WAS walking home after a rather big night out and stumbled upon a Moose in the middle of the ROAD. They looked at each other, politely smiled, nodded in respect, and continued their separate ways. TRUE STORY
During our late teens and early twenties, it became increasingly apparent that I would need TO GET used TO NOT having Joel so close by and that the dynamic duo may not always be together.
It wasn't, however, until the 29th of November in 2014, when Joel met Jaime that I fully appreciated how much better the dynamic duo could be with the addition of another member.
Joel and Jaime first met in Wallaroo, South Australia, at a party, not just any party, a bogan themed party, which is another way of describing casual work attire, with a mandatory flannel shirt.
Little did Jaime know on that night when she first spotted Joel, was that the "bogan" that she met was not entirely in costume. Luckily for Jaime and Joel, this didn't stop them from FORGING a GREAT friendship, partnership, now marriage, and raising a CHEEKY yet delightfully charming daughter, MacKenzie, or Kenzie for short.
I had the absolute pleasure of meeting Kenzie for the first time a month ago at the family home in Fairview Park, Adelaide. I remember Kenzie sold me a bouquet of flowers at the price of TWO rocks, from her make-believe store in the outdoor playset. Little did I know that the going rate WAS ONE rock ONLY the day before. Jaime and Joel have possibly been teaching her economics FROM A VERY young age.
Jaime welcome to the family, the partnership, the dynamic trio. You have had a fantastic impact on Joel, and together raised an adorable little girl. Whom, I know, will be trained in the art of Goldberg, hunting that 25-yard line, and seizing every opportunity.
As we started this speech with a quote from the Wedding Singer, it seems fitting to end with one.
"True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint, in another"
Jaime and Joel. I am overwhelmingly happy that you have both found your counterpoint in each other and overjoyed with the happiness that you have achieved over the past FIVE years.
[TOAST: long life filled with love, happiness, joy, and opportunity]